The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
And then we exchanged more photos and talked some more…you know…for about six weeks before finally meeting.
It wasn’t that we didn’t want to meet sooner. Like a lot of folks in the LS, all four of us have busy lives. The Others have younger children and work. We have work and family and other obligations. Really, we put a date on the calendar pretty early in the conversation…and then had six weeks of anticipation before we could bring it all together.
The Good, Part I
We had each selected the other couple because of our relative newness to the LS, both of us feeling more comfortable with folks just learning the ropes than being the “fresh meat” side of an imbalanced experience equation. Mr. and Mrs. Other, as we’ll call our dates in these JOURNAL posts, had some LS experience in that she is a hotwife: they enjoy it when she has sexy dates with other men and shares it with him during (video, texts, photos) or after (back at home). For him, it was the first time joining in with her and another couple. And, of course, it was the first time for us.
We met at a restaurant and hit it off really well, as we’d expected and hoped. A little bit of fun, first-date nervousness aside, conversation came naturally and we genuinely enjoyed talking about all sorts of things and getting to know each other in person. The meal was delicious and began — not to be too cliché — with some super fresh raw oysters — sweet and salty. Nobody over-drank, but we each enjoyed a cocktail before and then a nice wine with dinner. Once the check was paid, we agreed to head back to the hotel suite we had secured for the night.
Now, don’t get us wrong. We didn’t go into dinner with “sexpectations” as much as hopes. We knew it was entirely possible that we’d go back to our hotel just as a couple if the meet up didn’t go great for all four of us, and we were completely OK with that possibility. A hotel for the two of us would have still been a hot, hot time — if it had gone that way.
We had each selected the other couple because of our relative newness to the LS, both couples feeling more comfortable with folks just learning the ropes than being the “fresh meat” side of an imbalanced experience equation.
Everything seemed to be going so well. After dinner we came back together to the hotel and had a good, upfront discussion about desires, rules, and boundaries. It was agreed that we were all in for full-swap, and set with condoms. Mrs. Other had let it be known that while she likes woman/woman, it isn’t her strongest desire, so instead of the ladies getting things started, we started out soft-swapping with each other’s partner and it…was…hot! Except, it became clear after a while that Mr. Other was having trouble getting and staying aroused. What ensued was me trying earnestly to be helpful with the situation, with encouragement and assistance from Mrs. Other…but ultimately failing.
In the grand scheme of things, this is not surprising. If you think about it, there may be more reasons in a situation like this for a man to have difficulty performing than not. For one thing, we were all newbies. For another, we’d decided to get physical on the first date after just one evening of getting to know each other and had eagerly decided to go all-in. Though no one over-indulged, there had also been alcohol consumed. It likely didn’t help that he had unexpectedly run into a good childhood friend he hadn’t seen in years during dinner. That sort of “real-life” emotional insinuation on a sexy evening can throw someone off their game, we’re sure.
I know Mr. Other is a virile and sexy man, which lead my mind down the path to…
Leading up to our first date, I felt nervous — but not about the idea of being sexual with someone other than Ess or of Ess being sexual with someone other than me. What plagued me most was fear of the other man not being into me. Yep. Insecurity.
What if I’m too old? What if he doesn’t think I’m attractive? What if I get….rejected?
The ugly, in this scenario, is me — or at least the way I felt. Pretty much, my worst fear seemed to come true when Mr. Other didn’t appear to feel aroused by me. I’m not gonna lie, it was pretty emotionally crushing and took some getting over that evening and into the next week. No matter how reassuring Ess tried to be in the days that followed, and no matter how much I was able to rationalize and intellectualize the situation, I couldn’t — can’t, if we’re being honest — shake the notion that something must be wrong with me. We have not yet been on a second LS date, and I feel much more timorous about my appeal than I did before this date.
We assume it will take a more fully successful swap before I feel better about it. This wasn’t enough to put me off the LS because the Bad was so, so outweighed by the Good.
And I’m not a quitter, goddamit.
Back to More Good
Readers, you may be thinking at this point that our first LS date experience was a bad one for us. You would not be more mistaken! Despite my struggle with insecurity, our overwhelming takeaway is positive. Here’s why:
We learned that what we hoped we’d experience in seeing each other playing sexually with another person was exactly what we did experience — it was crazy hot to watch each other and we have continued to think about it and get aroused by it in the days and weeks that have followed. Neither of us felt even the slightest twinge of jealousy (yes, we do know that may still come at some point…but it didn’t at this point).
The time was well spent! We had fantastic couple sex after The Others departed and found time in the morning for a sexy photo shoot followed by more us-only fucking. I also got my first, albeit minor, sexual experience with another woman. Ok. Ok. This was honestly a footnote in the evening’s events, and it didn’t progress past kissing and fondling — but it still counts!
Readers, you may be thinking at this point that our first LS date experience was a bad one for us. You would not be more mistaken!
Most importantly, we found that our communication before, during, and after was super solid. We came away from the date feeling closer and more bonded to one another — both physically and emotionally — rather than the opposite. Our feelings for each other were enhanced by the experience rather than diminished.
We’re both looking forward to our next sexy experience….
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