Frigid February

OK, well, yeah — that headline is a tad melodramatic.

Ess and I have had some pretty steamy times this month with each other, aided no small amount by our Valentine’s Day presents to each other — our very own massage table with oils for him, and some sultry perfume, stilettos and lingerie for me. I mean, all of that is really for both of us, right?

Massage: It does a body good. [photo | Pixabay]
But Cupid-be-buggered, we have to admit that Lifestyle-wise, this has been a frustrating month. Strike that. It’s been a frustrating couple of months. I’m tempted to say that we’ve stalled a bit in our lifestyle exploration, but that’s not really all that accurate.

In many ways, we’ve grown a lot as a LS couple since our last LS experience. We’ve had a lot of quality communication about what each of us wants, what we want together, and how we hope to frame our LS experience. Maybe that’s why it feels all the more frustrating — we feel ready to go, but the going’s not so much going.

One of our agreements is that we do not want searching for, arranging, and going on LS dates to become the focus of our time and energy as a couple. We want to make sure it assumes the role of “fun, additional thing we do sometimes.” Turns out, that’s a lot harder to manage than it may seem. A lot of experienced Lifestylers who are reading this may be chuckling right now at our naiveté.

It’s been a frustrating couple of months. I’m tempted to say that we’ve stalled a bit in our lifestyle exploration, but that’s not really all that accurate.

At least in part due to our insistence on making this a very part-time gig — which means we do not cast a very wide net when communicating online with potential new friends — we’ve had bad luck making or keeping LS dates the past two months.

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It’s enough to make a person binge-eat discount Valentine’s Day candy. [photo | Ryan McGuire]
Sometimes a couple expresses interest in us online, but one or both of us does not feel attracted enough by their profile or photos to want to meet, and so we politely decline. Sometimes we reach out to a couple…and hear crickets in return (assume one or both of them do not feel attracted enough to want to meet us). I’ll be honest: this is particularly puzzling when the couple in question has taken the time to “flirt” and “like” multiple photos on our profile. Our best guess on this phenomena is that one partner was interested, did the flirting and liking, and then the other partner took a peek and went, “Nope.”

We’ve been ghosted by the same couple 2X now after establishing communication and moving toward meeting (and can you believe they just resurfaced again, but we’re not falling for it a third time). We’ve held dates open for couples, only to have the plans fall through at the last moment.

And then there’s the issue of finding a couple that seems intriguing and has a mutual interest, but none of us having an open date that matches…for months and months. There has been plenty of single-guy interest, and we haven’t taken that off the table, but we didn’t want to start out with threesomes — so we politely decline or postpone single guys for the moment.

We’ve found ourselves facing the reality that locating, wooing, and meeting potential LS matches is not as easy as we thought it would be.

This is usually the point in a post where I tidily sum up how this is all OK and that we’ve got it figured out. But we promised you all the ups and the downs when we started this blog. We have to admit that we’re a little stumped for how to keep the LS dating search from taking over our lives (solving our problem by casting a wider net and being more active online more often) and still experience success in making connections.

We suspect that if we are going to cling to our current approach, we will have to deal with the frustrations listed above, and be OK with LS dates that are few and far between.

In the meantime, we’re just gonna have to keep practicing with each other.

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featured photo | Bruno Kelzer


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